If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude i'm inner monologue high
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
