Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
