Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
