Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
