lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
