my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
