the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
false alarm, still single
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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