last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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