the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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