The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
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just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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