you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
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I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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