obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Oh god it's open bar.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
there is puke in my bra ... again
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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