Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
