Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
