Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
