don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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