Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
