I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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