It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
