so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
