She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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