oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
