I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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