You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
