I looked at my own cervix.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
