The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
