and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
People in love make me want to vomit
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she peed on how many people?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
