He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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