I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
