i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
