so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
