So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
