I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
