I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
