New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dignity is for republicans.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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