I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
