It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
