No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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