Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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