Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
