you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
