I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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