Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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