Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
