and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
