your room smells of hookers.
And success
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have feelings that need drinking.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
