He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
