i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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