I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
