3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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