Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
