just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
