I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
