last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
