Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
