I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
