i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
