Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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