My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
