wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
