Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
