after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
