Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
