Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
MIDGETS
????
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
