you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
