for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
