just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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