dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
