I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
