True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
