did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
