My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
