Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
