So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
