PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
