I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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