I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
