ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
