When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
