so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize