Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
