just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
