I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
