She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
