Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
