he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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